Paul Auster’s godson Felix Harr is a 26-year-old sportswriter who lives in Medicine Hat, Saskatchewan. Not long ago he started sending Paul his imaginary tennis matches which Auster then gave to his friend Bill Corbett the publisher of Pressed Wafer Press.
Since then Pressed Wafer has issued two compilations of imaginary tennis matches: LOVE OR NOTHING: Tennis Matches We Would Like to See and DEUCE!: More Tennis Matches We Would Like to See.
As the US Open rounds into its final weekend of action, we present without comment Felix Harr’s ultimate single-elimination fantasy tennis tournament.
Here then, are 32 imaginary tennis matches Felix Harr would like to see:
Thomas Mann vs. Boy George
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Loretta Young vs. Victor Mature
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Christopher Wren vs. Christopher Robin
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Minnesota Fats vs. Memphis Slim
Orson Welles vs. ZaSu Pitts
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Irving Penn vs. Patti Page
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Black Bart vs. Pearl White
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Armand Hammer vs. Philip Glass
Dinah Shore vs. Sylvia Beach
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John Ford vs. Larry Rivers
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Claude Rains vs. Muddy Waters
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Veronica Lake vs. Dick Diver
Nathan Hale vs. Thomas Hardy
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Felix Frankfurter vs. Warren Burger
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Condoleezza Rice vs. Orson Bean
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John Locke vs. Francis Scott Key
Fiona Apple vs. Donna Tartt
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Jack Lemmon vs. Harry Lime
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Bert Sugar vs. Michael Caine
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Bennett Cerf vs. Toots Shor
King Vidor vs. Queen Latifah
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Ward Just vs. George Meany
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Robert Conquest vs. Janice Rule
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Michael Winner vs. Gower Champion
Janet Frame vs. Siegfried Lenz
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Red Grooms vs. James McBride
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Emily Post vs. Padraic Colum
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Basil Bunting vs. Fannie Flagg
Twiggy vs. Iggy (Pop)
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Eric Idle vs. Steve Jobs
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Sam Dash vs. Little Dot
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Jumpin’ Johnny Green vs. Linda Tripp